I haven’t posted here for a while. Not since February. That’s a shame. I had many plans for this blog, many ideas for articles and discussions about the hobby I really love; old-school Dungeons & Dragons. Unfortunately, those things have not come to fruition, and it’s not been for a lack of trying. I just haven’t been able to focus on much.

See, over the last year I have been experiencing all sorts of weird symptoms; fatigue, dizziness, headaches, and brain fog. It’s been steadily getting worse. The more I exert myself, the worse it’s gotten. I’ve been forced to drop many interests and hobbies. I’ve not been able to do quite as much as I used to. I’ve been forced to prioritise the small amount of leisure time I do have when not resting. If you would’ve asked me three months ago what could possibly be the cause of all this fatigue, I would have shrugged and felt frustrated. I’ve just been soldiering on as best I can. I’ve been forced to make hard decisions on what to do with my time. So I’ve prioritised gaming with my friends, learning Ad&d, and reading and writing fiction. That’s all I’ve really been able to muster outside of working my day job. A lot of the time I’ve just been zombified. So I haven’t really written anything for this site, and I haven’t put any more modules or materials together in publishable form. 

I did, however, have one excursion. In October this year I attended the Cauldron OSR convention in Germany. I can say with no exaggeration, it was one of the greatest gaming experiences of my life. I met many interesting people there, and got to meet the men behind so many internet handles I’ve become familiar with since learning and playing Ad&d in the last two years. I made some amazing memories at the convention. I got to meet some of my good friends from my gaming group in person for the very first time. We’ve been playing Ad&d together for over a year and half now, and for a lot of that time we played twice a week. I made new friends there as well. I got to play in epic games of Braunstein, and a huge naval battle using Od&d and chainmail rules. I even slew two dragons. All these things I won’t soon forget.

The whole time at the convention I was struggling with my fatigue. I managed somehow to power through with a little help from beer and pure grit. Gaming has become something of a distraction for all these issues I’ve been experiencing. Something which allows me to put the symptoms I’m suffering to the back of my mind. I love playing old school D&D. I love the challenge of it. I love the idiosyncrasies of the rules. I like emergent adventure. I like the fact I can be cunning, and think outside of the box. I love that the rules allow for that. I love the camaraderie of adventuring with other like minded gamers, guys who want to score a big haul and beat the odds. Guys who want to win. Honest to god Grognards. I love the amazing talents of dungeon masters who create whole worlds, who can really test my metal. I love the whole thing. So at Cauldron I was able to push myself through the fatigue and keep on adventuring.

When the convention came to a close, there was a ceremony of sorts. All the participants gathered in the grand hall of Schloß Hohenroda and the organisers handed out prizes. Then we came to the Most Valuable Player award. That’s when I heard my name called out. I was in total shock. I never expected to win such a thing. Perhaps my enthusiasm for the game had really made an impact on those around me. I accepted the award, kind of flabbergasted. It now rests on my mantelpiece, its a big cauldron with MVP etched on it. I’m looking at it right now as I write this, and it makes me smile. 

The truth is, the day before I flew from the UK to the convention, I’d been laid out in a huge metal tube in a hospital radiology department. Some technician had been taking magnetic images of my brain. I kind of guessed the results weren’t going to be great. This was the second scan I’d had in two weeks. When I got back from the convention, I just crashed out. I was euphoric from having such a great time gaming. From meeting so many awesome people. From meeting my friends in person. But there was a letter waiting for me on the kitchen counter. So before I totally passed out, I just had to opened it up. 

When you read the words brain tumor, you kind of freeze up and go cold. It doesn’t feel quite real because those words are from procedural TV shows and news reports. They aren’t meant to refer to something inside your own head. But there it was in black and white. My first thought was; so does that mean I’m going to die soon?

I’ve had a few more tests since then. Apparently these kinds of tumors are 99% benign. The major complications with them are that they can mess up your hormones and if they get big enough they can crush your optic nerves and make you blind. Luckily both of those things have not happened to me. My hormones are within normal limits except for my cortisol levels, and my vision is currently unaffected. Which the doctors seemed a bit surprised by. As of writing this, I’m awaiting the hospitals decisions for what my treatment will be. Most likely there will be surgery to remove it. This is that quite likely to resolve my symptoms and within a short space I time I might well return to normal. The probabilities are in my favour. Like any good gamer, I always ask the probabilities before I make a roll.

So I just wanted to make this post to explain that this blog is not dead. It’s just on hiatus whilst I’ve been unwell. I’m still gaming. I’m going to keep gaming so long as I’m able. I love it too much not to. I will be back here and writing soon. Post surgery, I think I will have a lot of sick leave mandated. 

I want to thank all the guys I’ve gamed with over the last year. Particularly Niko, Bill, Magnus, and Brett. You guys have helped keep me sane during one of the darkest years of my life. Let’s all get our characters to the highest levels imaginable! I want to say to all the Cauldron / ADDKON guys, thanks for running an amazing convention and for giving me something to look forward to next year. I managed to get Cauldron 2025 tickets and I will be there. I also want to give my appreciation to Gary Gygax, for his genius, and for his writing a set of rules that have totally enraptured me and captured my imagination, and attention. In my darkest hours, his works have kept me busy, entertained, and sane (but not when I attempt a grapple!) 

I will return to this blog soon. 

Mitch.